Republicans:
1. The black vote
2. Also, the youth vote
3. And the elderly
4. And the hispanics
5. And the gays and lesbians
6. And the women
7. And the early voters
8. Jesus, who did we have voting for us?
9. White dudes with Sarah Palin MILF fantasies? Really, that’s it?
10. Give me that gin. And that Ambien.
Democrats:
1. Racism.
2. Diebold.
3. Karl Rove. Somehow.
Libertarians
1. Dude, we’re Libertarians.
2. We never win.
3. We can’t win.
4. And frankly, if we did win, we’d probably all pee ourselves in terror.
5. And so would you.
6. Now, let’s smoke a bowl and watch some porn.
[Whatever]
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