The Best of Late Night

A new poll shows only 1 out of 4 people approve of the job President Bush is doing. That means when he’s having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he’s the only one at the table who thinks he’s doing a good job. -Jay Leno During the Sarah Plain interview with Katie Couric on CBS News, Sarah Palin could not remember the name of a newspaper or magazine that she reads. I was thinking, “Wow — possibly, a leader of the country who doesn’t read.” Then I thought, “Well hell, it’s worked pretty well for George Bush.” -David Letterman Economists are now claiming that our nation’s leaders didn’t properly explain the bailout plan to the public. After hearing this, President Bush said, "While you’re at it, someone should explain it to me.” -Conan O'Brien The vice presidential debate is tomorrow night. Joe Biden already gearing up: He went to the hair salon and told the guy to put a little more on top. -Jay Leno Last night during an interview on CBS, Sarah Palin said, "One of my best friends is a lesbian, and I love her dearly." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Prove it.” -Conan O'Brien Congress voted against the bailout. They were told to vote their conscience. That totally confused them . . . they said, “What?!?” -Jay Leno New York’s Mayor Bloomberg, he’s been in office for two terms, wants to be mayor for three terms; and right now he’s trying to get around the term limits so he can run again. I bet he can — by God, he got around the height requirement. -David Letterman Yesterday, the Dow Jones dropped 777 points, which wiped out $1.2 trillion dollars in the stock market. Financial experts say the last time so much money disappeared in one day was when Oprah left her purse in a cab. -Conan O'Brien To give you an idea of how bad the economy is, over the weekend, I wrote a check and the bank bounced. -Jay Leno Yesterday at the White House, President Bush was visited by Jewish leaders, who wished him a happy Jewish New Year. The visit upset Bush, because now he thinks he missed Jewish Christmas. -Conan O'Brien The vice presidential debate is Thursday. Here’s what Sarah Palin should do: Let Joe Biden have the first question. He’ll take 90 minutes to answer . . . then say, “We’re out of time! Who could have seen that coming?” -Jay Leno Today, the House of Representatives voted against the Wall Street bailout plan, a plan which House Minority Leader John Boehner called "a crap sandwich." Congress hasn’t given up — they’re already working on a new plan they call "a crap sandwich with cheese.” -Conan O'Brien